D-day

Today is my day, the day with my soulmate, for which we waited for so long. But have to leave my place. Today, I am wearing the ring which is the connection in between our hearts, Heena of his name shows proof and purity of love, red bangles are for a bond. Yes, I will be all yours wholly silly.  Still, there is some fear, emotion of leaving a place from where I belong, the place where I was born, grown. Have to leave all this now.

There was the time, have to go and get ready now I am the daughter of my parents and will also be the bride in a few hours and then daughter-in-law.

Why is all this are giving too many emotions to me?

The car is waiting outside my place to drop me at the salon. But my eyes what to capture every little thing coz this is mine after that this will not my mine have to go to some other place to start the new chapter of my life with the love of my life.

Now I am in love with every little thing, without a second delay I went to Mom and hugged her tight and that moment was all full of emotions. Every single day the time I wake up from bed to the time I settled in my bed, the argument time to happiness all we use to share every single day. But now I have to wait,  will only visit her, maybe for a few hours, or four days. I can’t be here permanently or forever.

Everyone was searching for me as I will be the only person in the entire family who has to take hours to get ready. But I don’t want to leave her second, but she has to arrange thousands of things for my “Biddai”.

Now I have to go I have left every memory here my childhood my everything here.

So, there is some diversion of moments the time I was getting ready as a “BRIDE”. But the time I was ready there was a final touch-up. Here comes the person “BRIDE MOM” with the beautiful saree. She was looking so sweet, but she has but tears in her eyes, I too. 

Again, I was so nervous my hands are so cold. Everyone wants to click with me, but I don’t want to leave her hand from mine. But she had to go. There was so much in my mind leaving my place.

Why does only a girl have to do all the sacrifice her everything?

My turning point in my life...

It’s been so long we got married. It was raining and we were in the car on our road trip. The weather was in our favor, it was a slow romantic song and was watching outside from the window. Suddenly I realized my husband’s hand is in mine, then I rested on his shoulder, he said now it’s the time we can plan for the next step.

I thought he wanted to extend the trip and I said no, it’s been 8 hours since we are sitting in the car. I want my bed for long hours to get relaxed. He laughed at my stupidity and then we reached home and without wasting time I settled in the bed.

After a few days, I was feeling so uneasy and was roaming on the balcony and everyone was asking for dinner and my stomach was not allowing me for this. My husband made me sleep that night with lots of effort again, it was 4 in the morning I thought maybe I have something in my stomach. Am I pregnant? I searched for the PregaNews in the medicine box, oh yes I found it. Strangely, this kit is also available at our place. I did the test. It takes some time to show the result every mini second in making me more curious to know the result. The strip has 2 red lines and I was confused about what it means so I googled the meaning and 2 red lines mean positive. Oh, we are pregnant, I jumped out of the loop and stepped towards my love for this news I was very happy without wasting time I spoke in his ears “Good Morning Going to be Papa”. He was shocked and his eyes were on me. We both hugged each other and without utter a single word we were in each other’s arms and we're blushing and enjoying the moment. Passing of sometimes my love mentioned this was the next step of our love I was talking about.

We waited for everyone to wake up so that we can tell them the news. It was 7 in the morning I took a bath and went for the Pooja everyone joined. We did Aarti and I served Prasad to everyone and I was blushing and bend to touch the feet my love said not to bend, please. My mother gave a tough look to him and I hugged her and said “Good morning Dadi maa” She was so happy with the news. Everyone in our house blessed us and she cooked Halva for me and we went to Gurudwara Sahib for the blessing. After breakfast, I went to my room, standing in front of the mirror, and was imagining my baby bump and blushed.

Everyone was taking my good care I was feeling so blessed with such a nice family. They all are very concerned about my comfort. After few weeks I have a small bump and it was my first appointment with the doctor. Everyone wants to come along, to see the first look or our Angel. So, we went to the doctor we had seen a small tiny round in my stomach, the doctor said this is the baby, your angel. We had the picture in our hands. So we directly went to the photo studio, Coz we planned to create a book for our angel the day we came to know that Babaji blessed our love with such a tiny little angel the time we had first clips of our angel. We both wanted to capture every little thing together.

Day passes and I have a big bump and I was watching a movie and Angel kicked. It was such a different feeling that was the first time I realized I had something inside me.

From that day I started talking with Angel and she responds with the kick as if he\she knows what we are talking about. I always have all the chocolates and my craving things on my table, everyone takes good care and tolerates my tantrums and mood swings. They all use to entertain my mood swings by spoiling their sleep and make me comfortable with lots of jokes games. I am so blessed with such a nice family as my support and the blessings of Babaji.

I promise to take good care and make all our angel's dreams a reality.

Life is too short to live..(Part-1)

I was on my Manali tour with my friends, was the second day of my trip I was sitting with my girl in the back seat holding her hands and we were on our way to Rohtang Pass…

My phone rang and it’s my Mom’s call she was sounding low and just asked what I was doing, I had a feeling that something had happened at home but that time I ignored that as she was resting on my shoulder. I don’t want to distract her comfort and ignored my feeling..

At the time we reached the destination, preferred to call my Mom but I was out of the network area.. Oops.. then we enjoyed ourselves and came back to our place I called Bhai to ask if everything is alright at home, he told me that Papa is not well..

The next day was the return of our trip, the mixed feeling inside my head as I don’t want this trip to end so soon and also I want to know what had happened at home.

Finally, I reached home my dad was walking outside the house as it was 5 in the morning I greated him and ask about his health and I noticed some marks on his face.. I placed my bags in my room and headed towards Mom’s room and asked about his mark as if he had some fight with someone. She ignored my questions and asked to take a rest for some time then we need to go to the doctor.

Without wasting time I booked our appointment at Max hospital and asked my dad to get ready for the checkup. It was 8 in the morning we both were settled in the car as it was 1.5 hours away from our home. On our way, I asked dad “Kya Hua papa apko ap mjhse share kro he replied beta merko feel ho rha hai kch hai mere face p merko yeh mark kch shi nhi lag rha “

In my anger “aap kch b galt sochte ho hojayege thik dekh Lena Abhi doctor k pass jaa rhe hai who bhi yhi khega ap log ase hi tension lete ho Choti Choti bat p”.

He replied:- I wish “ asa hi ho Jase jo sab bol rhe hai”

We reached our destination but I was in my thoughts “Papa ne asa kyu bola merko kya chl rha hai unke mind mai “

It was our turn to see the doctor, we entered and he asked for the issue and highlighted the spot on his face and he had mentioned a few of the test and ask the nurse to take the patient as soon as he left doctor said this is cancer on his mouth I was in the shock I don’t know how to react on this I was so numb. Just asked “woh thik hojayege na kch hoga toh nhi I am very small in my age I can’t afford to lose him now” Say doctor something, things will be fine I had tears in my eyes. It was the feeling as if I don’t have a roof on my head I felt so helpless, just want to cry very loud shout like hell. So that the stone on my heart will break into small pieces.

After 2 hours of patience again nurse announce my name I went and the doctor said we can’t treat him as the case is not in our hands now. He doesn’t have much time.

I begged for his life to the doctor I went to the Gurudwara made promises that will not fight with him anymore, will not shout at him. will not tease him. I promise I will take every good care of him please save him, please. I love him so much please you can’t do this to us.

Finally, we are on our way back there were tears in my eyes on our whole way back home a complete silence at every red light my eyes were only on him to see if he is fine or not.

I ran to my Mom as soon as I reach her I hugged her tight and cried a lot and told everything to her she was broken into small pieces. we can’t see our loved ones in pain but this is the time when the doctor said my Dad had no more time in this world. How can God be so cruel to us? How?

Suddenly there was a call from my only one I told her everything I cried in front of her on call. She made me understand everything supports me in that time.

We consulted every doctor so that he will be fine. Every single second is so critical from him. He doesn't want any of us to see him in this condition. So, he started sitting in the car by switching on the AC and locked him selves inside so that no one notices what he is going through.

Nowadays, his body is not responding to the kemos he is getting week day by day he has a food pipe in his mouth he can't walk, can’t speak properly.

He was one of the active people of our family who had laughing nature in our family. How can this happen to him how?  We can't see him dying every second.. God do something. Please..

Bidding Good Bye’s are always difficult….

 The reality of life & one of my favorite lines:

You came naked,

You will go naked.

You arrived weak,

You will leave weak.

You came without money and things,

You will leave without money and things.

Your first bath? Someone washed you.

Your last bath? Someone will wash you.

This is life!!!

we never know when we are on our last days. Which is our last night our last hug, laugh, cry, or pain.

It’s a human saying that a girl is always attached to her father and a boy is always attached to his mother.

Before marriage father will be like if you want you can take “Pata Nhi tera Ghar Kase Hoga vha terko milage ya NHI aj terko jo cheye tu Lele Kal kya hoga”

Father always ensures that the dream, demand of her daughter must be complete. At the time of marriage of a girl, the father is the only person who cries a lot as his princess will leave their house and gonna settle in another house.  

He hardly talks to his daughter but always ensures from his wife if she is indeed of anything.

The importance of being a father is so different in a daughter's life even if this relation faces lots of ups and downs but the father is always different from every other relationship in every girl's life.

The day we woke up everything was on the routine in the house. The last night Nannu was not well he was roaming in the house. So, he slept at 4 Am. So we preferred not to disturb him let him sleep take complete rest and we will wake him after some time.

Ladies are enjoying tea on the balcony kids were watching cartoons. Nanni went to wake him up so that he can have some breakfast and then he can sleep properly. He called him many times but no response was received. They called the nurse who leaves near the house to check if everything is fine...

Every second is like hell why isn’t he responding a few hours back he was walking on the balcony now what had happened. The nurse arrived, the heartbeat of every person was so high. Everyone was waiting for the nurse to say that he is fine. But no one knows that was his last night with us. The noise he was creating was last will not be able to listen to this ever in our lives.

Everyone arrives to bid goodbye but the daughter was so helpless at that moment as who will ask for my demands, who will wait for me at the door when we use to visit my father’s house.

 Due to some situations, the cremation was on the next day. That night Nannu was on the balcony and every child was sleeping next to him. The last sleep with the father who is no more in this world.

People come but will never be able to listen to the small noises or the loud noise “chai NHI Banani kya”.

Everyone says “ana hai toh Jana Bhi hai” but giving farewell will always so difficult.

Life decision

In my family, I am the first child or you can say Bigra Hua bacha jiski sare bate hamesha puri hue ho... The times I visited market either with parents or with my relatives the thing which I want, I want by anyhow. We are 2 Siblings out of us I am the only one who was most pampered for everything.

I care what I get from my family I always gave that to my younger ones, was never biased to anyone maybe that's the only reason they respected me, cared for me, or love to be with me or they are easy to say what's cooking in there mind.

I still remember the time I got admission to a Professional course in "the Institute of Company Secretary" I was so happy after seeing the email  I called my mom and I was so happy with the news but my brother was more excited than me.

Now they can use my room, my stuff which they love without any permission I hardly say no to them but I can better understand their feeling. Now I am left with few days to I have to leave my home town for my further studies. before going to the new city my Mom told me few things which were :

1. if you date someone we don't have any issue however before dating makes sure he is perfect and suitable for you.
2. no late-night parties
3. we need 90% in your exams and lots more.

That was the time I feel as if I was so small to have a boyfriend but she said so I had to listen without any argument.

I was so egoistic, hardly got into people, love to travel, explore new things. slowly I thought of dating someone pata nhi chla kab meri prayers meri chor kr kisi or k liye hone lag gye kab mai se hum hogye pata nhi chla.

Ek adat si hogye uski, jab tak use bat na Karo complete sa feel nhi hota tha or usse share Kark uska merko suggestion, Dena.

Mere Ghar meri shadi ki bat start hue before they look for someone I told them about my decision. Woh time tha merko koi mana nhi kar skta unko meri suni pdege. But parents are always parents I tried to make them understand for 2 long years but no they don't want to.

I am left with only options:

1. suicide
2. Ghar se bhag jau

Suicide Kiya toh unka kya Hoga kon ayega unke liye koi bhi nhi Hoga Mera Bhai usko log kya bolenge they have given almost all of their life to make me happy to fulfill all my demands.

As if I ran kya mere parents accept krenge jab woh aj ready nhi hai toh Kal Kase ready honge Mera Bhai jisko mene apne Bache ki tara bada Kiya hmesha uske sth Rhi kya woh merko di bol payega merko dekh payega.

Aj mai ase situation mai hun merko khud nhi pata mai kya Karu I wanted to be selfish but Jase bhi hai mere parents hai I have to make them convenience for my choice fir uske liye merko khud liye dur kyu na jana pade jab take woh log meri bt se convenience nhi honge na mai apne pyar ke pass jauge na unke pass...

Hope you guys agree with the choice of decision I made for me.