Good Byee are too Difficult

 It was the year 2005 and the time we shifted to our house. I was just a little kid back then and the place where we had shifted had many children of my age. So, moving to this place and getting comfortable here was kinda easy for me.

I even made friends, and that too very early. They too did not take much time to accept me as a part of their group. We were a group of 8 kids who played every evening, fought a lotttt, and did everything together. Months and months passed and as we grew older, all of us eventually got separated. It was just me and her who was left and probably we only had each other in all aspects ..

Then after some time, unfortunately even though we moved to different cities, we still shared the same bond with each other, the one we shared when we saw each other every day. We kept in contact, chased each other, made fun, and did a lot more. During the pandemic, everyone was far away but we were still together. We rather came too close in these 2 years. We shared all our ups and downs with each other. I always saw my little sister in her. I sometimes got irritated with her but still, I did care for her and loved her a lot. During our night walks (which were my favorite part), we used to discuss the things going on in each of our families and even planned for my wedding haha. Things like what I'd wear, what would be the bridesmaids' gifts, where will we shop etc etc... and all other endless talks.

One day, she announced that she wanted to pursue higher studies. 'I will go for GATE' she said. I motivated and supported her in every way I could and luckily, she cleared her exam too. She had a lot of colleges to choose from and was very deep thinking about what would be best for her.  She was preferring to get a college in Delhi, and I was very happy with her decision. Around that very time, we were in a conversation that we would move together in the mid-way and would stay together.

We always wanted to be with each other. Then one day, I was in my office, and I got a call from her, and I was in complete shock as she had got a college in Surat, which was almost 17 hours away. 'Oh god! How will we manage things?' was my foremost reaction.

I wasn't feeling good at all. I just couldn't handle the thought of her getting away.

As I went back home, I saw her sitting with all the sadness she could gather at once. Even though I was not happy, with her career, I accepted the fact that she had to go, and even motivated her.

Now, the time has finally come, just a few hours are left. I did not know how to say goodbye to her, coz I never did. She was never away from me, always by my side, securing her special place in my heart.

I didn't know how I will manage without her, who will accompany me on night walks, who will listen to all the thoughts going in my mind all day, who will handle my mood swings.... The questions were endless. But i don't want to come in your way by being selfish.. So, all the very best bro...Hope to see you super soon...

The Darkest Side of My Life

 The time when I was a kiddo, I always wanted to have a granddd wedding, my man should be the most romantic one, the one who would understand me, care for me & will always be mine. I always wanted a relationship, which would be pure, selfless and complete in its own.

This is the time when I’m saying bye bye to my bachelorhood and stepping towards a new journey of my life as Mrs. The wedding is arranged, and I know with little efforts, we would make it a successful one. I am nervous but at the same time happy too.

“bachpan mai jaisa socha tha vaise sab toh nhi but kuch na kuch toh same hi hai”

It’s been years since I’m married now, and for this marriage I gave up my dreams, career and all the things that I was in love of, just to make this relationship a pure, special one.

There was the time when I was cooking my husband’s favorite dish. I put all my efforts but

“Mujhe nhi pta tha jiski Khushi k liye yeh sb ho rha hai who kya krne vala hai “

He came home, fully drunk; my mother-in-law laughed at me and said  

“ab yhi teri zindgi hair aur terako yhi gandgi saaf krni hai”

I cried whole night and asked myself, ‘This is what all you wanted in your life?’ You gave up everything for this person who not only can stand himself. Next morning, I woke up, preferred to forget everything that had happened last night, thrown away all the dishes that I had prepared last night into the dustbin. I called my mother and told everything to her. She said they will come and take me at their place for some days so that they could help me deal with the situation. The next night he returned home in the same situation and that very day he was angrier than usual and treated me as if I am the only reason behind every wrong thing happening in his business.

I was not at all feeling well from a few days. I went to the doctor all alone and then I got the news that I am pregnant. How can I be happy? Who will be happy after listening to the news? Do I have someone who really cares? I was surrounded with lots and lots of questions while walking back home.

Had no answer in my mind plus my situation at the house was not very good. He used to hurt me a lot, but I was not able to figure out why all of it was happening to me. Then one day after thinking too much about it, I finally decided to give up on the relationship, because I felt it was only me who was putting efforts in it. I only wanted to live for my child. I decided to go at my mom’s place and raise my baby all by my selves.

I finally got divorced after fighting for it for almost an year and was living at my parents’ house to have some mental peace and for providing a positive and healthy upbringing to my child. I was treated as if I had a heavy wound on my body. No, I want to live happy as a normal person. Days passed and I was blessed with a baby boy. We were happy together, but this world, you know, is very jealous when they see someone happy. People started talking about my past, and even made weird faces when they saw me even in public, also they used to comment on me:

“sare khushuiya bikhar si gyi jab apno ne bhi bolna shuru kr diya”

I wanted to move to a city where no one knows me, where I can have my own identity. I started working for my teaching exams and had faith on universe that “koi toh ase place hoge jhan mai rh skhu”

I got selected in the city where I wanted to go from my very childhood. So, I along with my baby boy shifted to Mathura (city of lord Krishna) got the government house to stay. This was the start of my new life. I was settled and living the way I wanted. Now family is planning for my little sister wedding. We went to see a family who resided in Delhi. The guy was smart and my little one found him interesting too haha.

He had a little brother too was very caring and polite in his words.

I liked him and wished to have a conversation with him. There was some family function and we also asked them to join us in the function. There I finally decided to have a conversation with “Jiju ke bhai ”

Negativity: “tu divorcee hai who kyu baat krega, nhi krega, usne merko apni Bhabhi ki bhen ki nazar se dekha hai, who nhi krega baat”

 After all these thoughts, I decided to take a step back and think only about my child.

One night I was at my parent’s place and my little sis was talking to her ‘going to be husband’. She invited me to have a word with Jiju. So, I talked with both the brothers and we exchanged  numbers too.

We started talking day and night and I started liking to have the conversation with him. We used to share out day to day lives and we were happy together.

One night he asked me to be his life partner. I disconnected the call; I couldn’t commit to anyone. How could I forget my past. I cried a lot and decided to not to stop talking to him.

Next morning, I woke up, my doorbell rang and I opened the door. He was there to ask me why I reacted like that. He was worried for me. He had not slept the entire night. I told everything to him and made him introduce to my little baby. They both played a lot and that very time I decided to get married to him. We both convinced our parents and got married. It obviously wasn’t what I had expected too early to happen.